Thursday, July 14, 2005

Bad Beak

Snowflake the Pilgrim Gander is standing on really thin ground. Whenever you pick him up he bites you. Not just a pinch, a bite that results in a welt and curses.
If Snowflake does not shape up quickly, he is going to lack a head this fall.
Of course, we had to do something to stop Snowflake from biting us. Which bring us to...

THE DIARY OF SNOWFLAKE THE GOOSE
7-14-05
Today was awful from midnight on. I had dreams where I was just about to eat a huge feast and then a monster devoured me. And my last dream was where my head was chopped off and then I started flopping around before I dropped on the ground, dead.
When finally woke up I saw the human girl walk into the goose pen. She thought for a moment and then started jogging towards me.
"Oh darn it. Time to sharpen up my biters."
"You know, Snowflake," the girl said," if you keep biting everybody, we're going to have to butcher you this fall."
Huh?
"That means you'll be dead. No food, no grass, no life. YOU WON'T EVEN HAVE YOUR HEAD!!!!!"
HUH?
The girl starts chasing me. After about ten minutes I sure I have won, that I won't get caught, but then the boy comes out.
OH NO!!!!! NOT GOOD!!!!!
Right now I am standing with a few other geese by the straw barn.
The boy comes into the pen on his two wheeled contraption.
"Jason, would you help me catch Snowflake?"
"You sure you want him?"
"Yep."
So the boy helps catch me and needless to say I am caught.
I promptly bite the girl on the arm.
"Hey!"
Then I bite the boy. I instantly realize that was a VERY bad idea. The girl grabs me and puts me in the stinky straw barn, saying word that don't comfort me.
After a minute or two the boy comes back with a peice of duck tape on his finger.
NOT GOOD!!!
The boy proceeds to tape my beak shut. What an indignity!
The girl takes me up in her arms and walks over to the bikes. She and the boy start talking about trading me. What am I, a playing card?
After the boy catches Snowball for the girl, he goes over to the milk parlor. I spend the rest of the morning feeling extremely humiliated.

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