Distorted Nursery Rhymes

SING A SONG OF SIXPENCE
Sing a song of sixpence,
A pocket full of rye,
Four and twenty rotten eggs,
Baked in a pie.
When the pie was done,
The eggs began to crack,
Let out the rotten smell,
And made the cooker hack.
The cooker went to the King
Counting all his money,
The King went to the Queen
Eating bread and honey.
All three went to the maid
Beating up a cad,
Down fell an egg,
And made them all sad.

BAA, BAA, BLACK SHEEP
Baa, baa, black sheep, have you any wool?
No, sir, no, sir, no bags full:
No wool for my master, no wool for my dame,
Only a kick for the boy who lives in our lane.

SNEEZE ON MONDAY
Sneeze on Monday, sneeze for help;
Sneeze on Tuesday, kiss a whelp;
Sneeze on Wednesday, get a purse;
Sneeze on Thursday, something worse;
Sneeze on Friday, sneeze for no sorrow;
Sneeze on Saturday, see you goose tomorrow.

HUMPTY DUMPTY
Humpty Dumpty sat on a camel hump;
Humpty Dumpty had a great jump;
All the King's horses and all the King's dim-wits
Cannot find the place where Humpty got hit.

BOBBY SHAFTOE
Bobby Shaftoe's gone to tea,
Rusty buckles on his knee;
He won't come back and marry me,
Ugly Bobby Shaftoe.

Bobby Shaftoe's old and dumb,
Sucking on his bloated thumb,
But he's my love for evermore,
Ugly Bobby Shaftoe.