The crazy column. A place for crazies.
All right, now what should I have for a topic? This is a question that requires lots of thinking and always ends up in some boring list. I have come to one great idea. Why not right a topic on what to write for a topic? In this blog you'll read entertaining lists, humorous snippets from stories, and much more. And, since today and Tuesday are my last scheduled blog days, (read my blog entitled Public School to find out why), today and Tuesday will have extra colorful sentences. Now, down to the topic. What should I write down? I'm oviously writing something right now, DUH. But should I write about geese, or my brother, public school, books, this afternoon, tomorrow morning, or what? I'll start by writing down a list of ideas. Is this color killing your eyes? Good. It is mine too. Heh heh. Good way to get glasses early, don't you think? Now, down to business. (Seems like I can't do that today, don't you think?) ANYWAY, HERE'S MY STUPID LIST. DO YOU THINK I SHOULD CALL IT STUPID?
Here's my list. Can you read that? Anyway, here's my list.
BAD SPELLING
You know, a bit of relaxing writing. Like this: hi my friend. how r u? Yes, i'm sayuing this 2 u 4 reel. weel probublee c eech uthr at de libraree 2da. ur frend keely. p.s. iz thiz killing ur izs? it iz mine. it iz jasonz.
JUNK FOOD
Junk food is very bad for you. It detiriorates your brain and gives you alztimers. It clogs up your arteriest.
TOMORROW
Tomorrow is going to be the coolest day of my life. (Maybe.) It's on my birthday. It's my first day of public school. It's anyother day.
Okay, there's my list. It's probably boring, but it's colorful. Now, you are about to learn why Jason is so stupid. It's like this. (The story.)
Jason was born on his head. His parents fed him dog food that had canary droppings in it once he could eat. That's about all to the story.
All right, now I'm going to talk about stupid cartoon shows. Shows like Ed, Ed, n, Eddy, Mucha Lucha, and other brain fermentors.
Ed, Ed, n, Eddy is so stupid. Little people walking around in little hats, eating live fishes, and making crummy inventions. Mucha Lucha is idiodic. Little boys walking around punching each other. I can only say dumb with with Hamtaro. If you're rude and gore than say Hamtaro H a m f a r t o.
Now, here's an example of really bad spelling. madulin sat down. She wuz uh ugly gerl and she wuz studeeing the moovmunts ov plootoe. She had the craezeeust perpul izs.
There's the example of really bad spelling. Bad, don't you think? Now, here's a story for crazy people. (It's crazy.)
WARNING!!! IF YOU ARE SANE, DO NOT READ THIS STORY!!!!! IT IS HIGHLY INFECTUOUS TO THE BRAIN. CHOOSE, BETWEEN SANITY AND THIS STORY!!!!!!
Mr. Man walked around the manhole, thinking to himself. She was really tired of walking over the manhole, but she couldn't stop. Mr. Man saw a car coming closer to the manhole. After the car went safely through him, he decided to turn herself into a ghost. Just then the planet Saturn walked up. He looked unhappy. He tolt Mr Man that he had lost his best ring. Mr Man promised that he would find the Martian. Then neptunne said that he really appriciated Mr. Man finding his doorbell. Then pluto said hi. Then there was a bang and gunfire and Mr. Man was scattered all over the earth. Mr. Man got up and put his head back on. Mr. Man jumped up to the moon. Mr. Moon was asleep. Mr. Man jumped to the andromeda galaxy. He landed on the hottest, gaseous star he could find and then he played tag with all the pirana beetles he found there. Then it was time to go home. Mr. Man jumped on a comet and when the comet crashed in New York City he played with all the living, squashed, bruised people the comet had hit. Then Mr. Man grabbed ths slowest dinosaur in the sale barn that he could find. The dinosaur took him home to China and two minutes later Mr. Man was playing computer games on his holographic 10000 bit computer. K. O.
Now this story is a sleeping story. Enjoy.
Once there was a man that said hi. Then he told a story like this: Once there was a man that said hi. Then he told a story like this: Once there was a man that said hi. Then he told a story like this: Once there was a man that said hi. Then he told a story like this: Once there was a man that said hi. Then he told a story like this: Once there was a man that said hi. Then he told a story like this: Once there was a man that said hi. Then he told a story like this: Once there was a man that said hi. Then he told a story like this: Once there was a man that said hi. Then he told a story like this: Once there was a man that said hi. Then he told a story like this: Until lions gobbled him up.
Tomorrow is my birthday and I start public school YEAH! Goodby, who knows when I'll write on this blog next. Check every month, okay?
1/2/06
HI. IT'S ME AGAIN.
Anyway, for you people who have brains instead of kidney beans, here's our family news: We moved to Mars two months ago. The martians are really friendly. They took us to Pluto for tea. Here's a poem:
THE SIDE AFFECTS OF SPELLING
Once there was a girl named Lizzy Jane,
Who had quite a lot of brain,
There was one subject,
Which she happened hate,
When the spelling teacher taught the students how to spell 'talk,'
Lizzy Jane would wish she could take a walk,
Once spelling even gave her the flu,
And her mom had to feed her an awful brew,
So read this closely and take heed,
Spelling is something you DO NOT need.
THIS POEM IS NOT PATENTED, SO DO NOT COPY OR I WILL HAVE TO TAKE DRASTIC MEASURES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Jason in the song
This is a very fitting song about the behaivior of Jason.
SUNG TO THE TUNE OF ANY HARD JAZZ SONG!
SUNG TO THE TUNE OF ANY HARD JAZZ SONG!
Oh, Jason was a very stupid old man,
He didn't have the brain to open a can,
All he said was blab, blab, blab,
Oh, the case of him is very sad.
Oh, pick up your guitars and sing,
Of the case of the boy and the brain that went ding.
Jason, Jason, the tale is true,
And very sad for you.
Jason was very dumb,
He still sucked his thumb,
He always went tattle, tattle, tattle,
And his mouth always went rattle.
Oh, pick up your guitars and sing,
Of the case of the boy and the brain that went ding.
Jason, Jason, the tale is true,
And very sad for you.
Jason was so stupid and dumb,
He was a filthy, sucky ol' bum,
He fell down a cliff and broke his head,
And then Mr. Jason was struck out dead.
Oh, pick up your guitars and sing,
Of the case of the boy and the brain that went ding.
Jason, Jason, the tale is true,
And very sad for you.
Jason, Jason, the story is done,
He didn't know how to handle a gun.
The people at the fun'ral said how brave was he,
When really Jay couldn't battle a flea.
Oh, pick up your guitars and sing,
Of the case of the boy and the brain that went ding.
Jason, Jason, the tale is true,
And very sad for you.
He didn't have the brain to open a can,
All he said was blab, blab, blab,
Oh, the case of him is very sad.
Oh, pick up your guitars and sing,
Of the case of the boy and the brain that went ding.
Jason, Jason, the tale is true,
And very sad for you.
Jason was very dumb,
He still sucked his thumb,
He always went tattle, tattle, tattle,
And his mouth always went rattle.
Oh, pick up your guitars and sing,
Of the case of the boy and the brain that went ding.
Jason, Jason, the tale is true,
And very sad for you.
Jason was so stupid and dumb,
He was a filthy, sucky ol' bum,
He fell down a cliff and broke his head,
And then Mr. Jason was struck out dead.
Oh, pick up your guitars and sing,
Of the case of the boy and the brain that went ding.
Jason, Jason, the tale is true,
And very sad for you.
Jason, Jason, the story is done,
He didn't know how to handle a gun.
The people at the fun'ral said how brave was he,
When really Jay couldn't battle a flea.
Oh, pick up your guitars and sing,
Of the case of the boy and the brain that went ding.
Jason, Jason, the tale is true,
And very sad for you.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Why the last three days have been misery for me
By now you are wondering WHAT is the matter with me. Well, to give you the truth, I'll tell you the truth. (That's a bit of a duh, don't you think?) Anyway, I have had a cold since Saturday.
First day of cold-really sore throat
Second day of cold-really sore throat
Third day of cold-very faint sore throat, really runny nose, slight cough, slight headache
Fourth day of cold-very faint sore throat, really runny nose, slight cough, slight headache
Cough cough, anyway, I'm feeling rotten, and I think that I probably won't feel really gung ho tomorrow. IF I AM SICK ON FRIDAY I AM GOING TO PULL MY HAIR OUT!!!!!!
If you know my e-mail adress, please sympasize with me.
Keely's August 13th through August 20th planner
August 13th- get sick
August 14th-stay sick
August 15th-go into town and stay sick
August 16th-stay sick, go into town, and do school
August 17th-stay sick, play with friend, or do nothing
August 18th-recover from cold and do school
August 19th- go into town
August 20th- do something fun, like play with friend
OH YEAH-THE PARADE IS ON AUGUST 27TH AT 10 O CLOCK. DARN. I'M THINKING ABOUT HAVING MY BIRTHDAY PARTY ON THE 27TH AT 4 O CLOCK. I'LL FIGURE THAT OUT LATER, HOWEVER.
First day of cold-really sore throat
Second day of cold-really sore throat
Third day of cold-very faint sore throat, really runny nose, slight cough, slight headache
Fourth day of cold-very faint sore throat, really runny nose, slight cough, slight headache
Cough cough, anyway, I'm feeling rotten, and I think that I probably won't feel really gung ho tomorrow. IF I AM SICK ON FRIDAY I AM GOING TO PULL MY HAIR OUT!!!!!!
If you know my e-mail adress, please sympasize with me.
Keely's August 13th through August 20th planner
August 13th- get sick
August 14th-stay sick
August 15th-go into town and stay sick
August 16th-stay sick, go into town, and do school
August 17th-stay sick, play with friend, or do nothing
August 18th-recover from cold and do school
August 19th- go into town
August 20th- do something fun, like play with friend
OH YEAH-THE PARADE IS ON AUGUST 27TH AT 10 O CLOCK. DARN. I'M THINKING ABOUT HAVING MY BIRTHDAY PARTY ON THE 27TH AT 4 O CLOCK. I'LL FIGURE THAT OUT LATER, HOWEVER.
Public School
It turns out that I am going to be going to public school this fall. I will be going to Sheridan Junior High. I will also be doing 6th grade.
The school starts on August 24th which, incidentaly, just so happens to be my birthday. On Wednesday I went into town to do these placement tests with my counselor, Mrs. Emery. The principal for this school is Scott Stults.
This school is brand new. I read in the newspaper several days ago that the construction of this school costed $15 MILLION DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dad filled out most of the regristration forms for me-I had to sign my name-but we're going to finish them on Friday the 19th, the day of the orientation for the school.
I'm going to be able to choose two courses for myself. I've already chosen them and they are going to be P.E. and Choir.
Yesterday I went into town to get clothing and shoes for school. That was the most horrible day in August for me, and you will see why if you look at the blog entitled 'Why the last few days have been misery for me'.
The school starts on August 24th which, incidentaly, just so happens to be my birthday. On Wednesday I went into town to do these placement tests with my counselor, Mrs. Emery. The principal for this school is Scott Stults.
This school is brand new. I read in the newspaper several days ago that the construction of this school costed $15 MILLION DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dad filled out most of the regristration forms for me-I had to sign my name-but we're going to finish them on Friday the 19th, the day of the orientation for the school.
I'm going to be able to choose two courses for myself. I've already chosen them and they are going to be P.E. and Choir.
Yesterday I went into town to get clothing and shoes for school. That was the most horrible day in August for me, and you will see why if you look at the blog entitled 'Why the last few days have been misery for me'.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Movie character crosses
Kangaroo Jack + Darth Vader = Kangarth Jader
Count Dooku + Willy Wonka =Wount Donka
Charlie Bucket + Harry Potter=Cherry Pucket
Pocahontas +Albus Dumbledore= Palbus Docahondore
THESE NAMES MEAN-
Kangaroo Jack means 'Kang a roo Jack'
Darth Vader means 'Dar The Vader'
Count Dooku means 'count Dook, u'
Willy Wonka means 'will ye wonk uh?'
Charlie Bucket means 'Char lee bucket'
Harry Potter means 'Herr Y. Pot Ter
Pocahontas means 'Poke a hontas'
Albus Dumbledore means 'Al Busdum Bled door'
Count Dooku + Willy Wonka =Wount Donka
Charlie Bucket + Harry Potter=Cherry Pucket
Pocahontas +Albus Dumbledore= Palbus Docahondore
THESE NAMES MEAN-
Kangaroo Jack means 'Kang a roo Jack'
Darth Vader means 'Dar The Vader'
Count Dooku means 'count Dook, u'
Willy Wonka means 'will ye wonk uh?'
Charlie Bucket means 'Char lee bucket'
Harry Potter means 'Herr Y. Pot Ter
Pocahontas means 'Poke a hontas'
Albus Dumbledore means 'Al Busdum Bled door'
Keely's August Calender
August 8th- Calla's doeling gets butchered.
August 19th- Full moon.
August 24th- MY BIRTHDAY!!
YIPPEE! DID YOU KNOW THAT MORE PEOPLE HAVE BIRTHDAYS IN AUGUST THAN ANY OTHER MONTH?!
August 31st- End of month.
August 9th 2005 for Virgos-
You are going to be dead bored, have a headache, and do something one hour earlier.
Joke for August 9th 2005-
What do you get if you cross Star Wars with a toad?
Star Warts!
August 19th- Full moon.
August 24th- MY BIRTHDAY!!
YIPPEE! DID YOU KNOW THAT MORE PEOPLE HAVE BIRTHDAYS IN AUGUST THAN ANY OTHER MONTH?!
August 31st- End of month.
August 9th 2005 for Virgos-
You are going to be dead bored, have a headache, and do something one hour earlier.
Joke for August 9th 2005-
What do you get if you cross Star Wars with a toad?
Star Warts!
The code of Dung Beetle
Dung Beetle sat back in the musty chair he had found in the grimy room. He sighed. His first days of being King were not doing very well.
"King Dungbeetle,"Buggin said, hurrying in to the room."Lord Blueberry is here."
"Bring him in." said Dungbeetle.
"How is the war progressing, Blueberry?" Dungbeetle asked.
"Not very well, your Lordship."Blueberry said." I mean, we've shot 15 more cars in the last week, but that's about it."
"I see."
"I was thinking that we should make a code or two and then mail all the badcars about what to do next."
"That's a REALLY dopey idea, Blueberry. How would other cars know it? Still I'll make a code. No, you won't. I will."
Baddy mail was driving quickly through the dark streets of Badside . He nearly got to Shev's house when he ran into 7 goodcars, all armed with loaded heat seaking missle launchers.
"I'm o-on a diplomatic mission."Baddy Mail shrieked,"don't hurt me! Hurt DungBeetle! Let me go! I didn't do anythi-"
"Shut up."Moon said sharply." Yellow, Evergreen, empty him of luggage. The rest of you, hold your guns at firing point."
Half an hour later, Baddy Mail decided he was having the worse time of his life. He was hanging in Beeper's dirtiest, grimiest dungeon cell by his exhaust pipe and every once in a while a goodcar would come in to throw some rotten food at his face. If the goodcar missed, somebody else would try later.
Skeeper sat on Beeper's throne and read Baddy Mail's letter to Bop.
"It says 'Deer Shev, I feel lik it's definitlee opposit da. The badcars hav wun the war and that's good, don't u think? I don't want u 2 gather up our huge forces and drive the last badcars owt. don't meet at the goodcar pineneddle stor toda. Do u no how minee wepuns weev got. it's not ur folt. thank u, king dung beetle bug."'
"I'm thinking all that means the opposite. It'd be,'Dear Shev, I feel like it's definitely opposite day. The goodcars have won the war and that's bad, don't you think? I want you to gather up our small forces and drive the first goodcars out. Meet at the badcar wood store tonight. Do you know how many weapons we've got? It's you fault. No thank you, King Dung Beetle Bug.'"
"Ahhhhhh," said Bop.
Dungbeetle put a movie into a battered TV. It was called Muscle-car.
"Uma uh uma uh," the guy in the movie said." Asha pa no ima uma uma uh uh."
Dungbeetle found the movie enticing. He chanted the words to himself. Uma uh uma uh asha pa no ima uma uma uh uh. Uma uh uma uh asha pa no ima uma uma uh uh. Uma uh um-
"Dungbeetle, the goodcars are entering this building. Come on."
"I'm king. Come on. Uma uh uma uh asha pa no ima uma uma uh uh. "Dungbeetle yelled.
to be continued...
"King Dungbeetle,"Buggin said, hurrying in to the room."Lord Blueberry is here."
"Bring him in." said Dungbeetle.
"How is the war progressing, Blueberry?" Dungbeetle asked.
"Not very well, your Lordship."Blueberry said." I mean, we've shot 15 more cars in the last week, but that's about it."
"I see."
"I was thinking that we should make a code or two and then mail all the badcars about what to do next."
"That's a REALLY dopey idea, Blueberry. How would other cars know it? Still I'll make a code. No, you won't. I will."
Baddy mail was driving quickly through the dark streets of Badside . He nearly got to Shev's house when he ran into 7 goodcars, all armed with loaded heat seaking missle launchers.
"I'm o-on a diplomatic mission."Baddy Mail shrieked,"don't hurt me! Hurt DungBeetle! Let me go! I didn't do anythi-"
"Shut up."Moon said sharply." Yellow, Evergreen, empty him of luggage. The rest of you, hold your guns at firing point."
Half an hour later, Baddy Mail decided he was having the worse time of his life. He was hanging in Beeper's dirtiest, grimiest dungeon cell by his exhaust pipe and every once in a while a goodcar would come in to throw some rotten food at his face. If the goodcar missed, somebody else would try later.
Skeeper sat on Beeper's throne and read Baddy Mail's letter to Bop.
"It says 'Deer Shev, I feel lik it's definitlee opposit da. The badcars hav wun the war and that's good, don't u think? I don't want u 2 gather up our huge forces and drive the last badcars owt. don't meet at the goodcar pineneddle stor toda. Do u no how minee wepuns weev got. it's not ur folt. thank u, king dung beetle bug."'
"I'm thinking all that means the opposite. It'd be,'Dear Shev, I feel like it's definitely opposite day. The goodcars have won the war and that's bad, don't you think? I want you to gather up our small forces and drive the first goodcars out. Meet at the badcar wood store tonight. Do you know how many weapons we've got? It's you fault. No thank you, King Dung Beetle Bug.'"
"Ahhhhhh," said Bop.
Dungbeetle put a movie into a battered TV. It was called Muscle-car.
"Uma uh uma uh," the guy in the movie said." Asha pa no ima uma uma uh uh."
Dungbeetle found the movie enticing. He chanted the words to himself. Uma uh uma uh asha pa no ima uma uma uh uh. Uma uh uma uh asha pa no ima uma uma uh uh. Uma uh um-
"Dungbeetle, the goodcars are entering this building. Come on."
"I'm king. Come on. Uma uh uma uh asha pa no ima uma uma uh uh. "Dungbeetle yelled.
to be continued...
Ideas for what to be on Halloween
Hmm... this is a bit early to be thinking about halloween costumes, but better now than never. (Besides, this is one of the only interesting topics I can think about putting on my blog today.) :( Anyway, here is my list of things I could and want to do.
Darth Vader- I'd love to be him- I just don't want to spend $25 on a costume.
The Hairball of Doom- All right, I'm exaggerating on the of doom part, but this costume would be great. I mean, I could wear any color of clothing under my costume. The problem is, it would be REALLY hard to make the costume and I don't think Walmart sells huge halloween hairballs.
A Tyrannasourous- How in the world could I do that one? Yet again, an incompetence at Walmart.
A Giant Baseball Bat- Example of getting candy: "GIVE ME CANDY OR I WILL KNOCK YOU OUT COLD! NO?" WHACK!!!! I'm joking about that.
A Mummy With Evil Red Eyes and a Rotted Smell- That might be possible, BUT, I DON'T think Mom and Dad would appriciate me smelling up the car.
I've been a witch about three times, I've been a stinking red ghoul once, I've been a frog once, and once I was a ghost. (That ghost sheet was used for our bird cover and is covered in poo.)
I know you're know wondering "Why haven't you ever been a princess?" The answer: I don't believe in being beautiful at halloween.
Jason once was a septic tank box. Last year he was a garbage bag ghoul. No kidding!
Darth Vader- I'd love to be him- I just don't want to spend $25 on a costume.
The Hairball of Doom- All right, I'm exaggerating on the of doom part, but this costume would be great. I mean, I could wear any color of clothing under my costume. The problem is, it would be REALLY hard to make the costume and I don't think Walmart sells huge halloween hairballs.
A Tyrannasourous- How in the world could I do that one? Yet again, an incompetence at Walmart.
A Giant Baseball Bat- Example of getting candy: "GIVE ME CANDY OR I WILL KNOCK YOU OUT COLD! NO?" WHACK!!!! I'm joking about that.
A Mummy With Evil Red Eyes and a Rotted Smell- That might be possible, BUT, I DON'T think Mom and Dad would appriciate me smelling up the car.
I've been a witch about three times, I've been a stinking red ghoul once, I've been a frog once, and once I was a ghost. (That ghost sheet was used for our bird cover and is covered in poo.)
I know you're know wondering "Why haven't you ever been a princess?" The answer: I don't believe in being beautiful at halloween.
Jason once was a septic tank box. Last year he was a garbage bag ghoul. No kidding!
A Little Bit on Physcology and Goose Brain
This page in my blog desribes the amount of brain the doober-foober goose Loose has.
Loose is, at first glance, a perfectly ordinary goose. Guess again. Loose is literaly afraid of EVERYTHING!!!!!!
This morning Jason took Loose over to the milk parlor. (He does that every morning, although he usually doesn't take Loose.) When I was watering the goats, I decided Loose needed S.T., or Snake Therapy. (It is more like Snake Torture.)
Later, Jason had put Loose on a low roof like thing on the hen pen. We learned then that LOOSE IS AFRAID OF HIS OWN FEATHERS!!!!!!!!!
Here is a poem desribed Loose:
Loose is, at first glance, a perfectly ordinary goose. Guess again. Loose is literaly afraid of EVERYTHING!!!!!!
This morning Jason took Loose over to the milk parlor. (He does that every morning, although he usually doesn't take Loose.) When I was watering the goats, I decided Loose needed S.T., or Snake Therapy. (It is more like Snake Torture.)
Later, Jason had put Loose on a low roof like thing on the hen pen. We learned then that LOOSE IS AFRAID OF HIS OWN FEATHERS!!!!!!!!!
Here is a poem desribed Loose:
Oh, Loose wants to be good,
But I doubt he ever could.
Oh Looloo Looloo you're so silLY
Your brain is going willy nilly.
Loosey prob'ly thinks Miah's neck is a snake,
He's doesn't have the brain of a drake.
Oh Looloo Looloo you're so silLY
Your brain is going willy nilly.
But I doubt he ever could.
Oh Looloo Looloo you're so silLY
Your brain is going willy nilly.
Loosey prob'ly thinks Miah's neck is a snake,
He's doesn't have the brain of a drake.
Oh Looloo Looloo you're so silLY
Your brain is going willy nilly.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Keely's Calendar
Special dates:
January 1st: New Year's Day!
Febuary 7th: Just an ordinary day, but I had to put something in for Febuary.
March 8th: Dad's birthday (I think)!
April 29: Mom's birthday!
May 11th?:Sarah's birthday!
June 21st:Summer. Yea/groan!
July 4th: Fourth of July!
August 24th:MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
August 28th:Aunt Shirley's birthday!
Semtember 5th:Labort day!
October 31st:Halloween. Boo!
October 23rd?:Zoe's birthday!
November 9th:Jason's birthday. BOO!
December 24th-25th:Chrismastime!
August 4th 2005 for Virgos-
You are prone to be typing something into a computer. You are also prone to be bored, anticipating a walk, and wearing a sweater.
Joke for August 4th 2005-
Two blonds walked into a building.
One said "oh, we should have seen that."
Get it? The blonds walked into the wall. (Crash!)
They didn't walk through the door.
HEY! I'M NOT HEARING LAUGTHER!!!
TRY THIS KIND. HA HA HA!!!!!
Official Joke for August 4th 2005-
Redneck Anthem
You know you're a redneck if you think the last four words of the national anthem are:
"Gentlemen, start your engines!"
Funny and not official joke for August 4th 2005-
Michael Jackson's shnoz-
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
Out of a catalog.
January 1st: New Year's Day!
Febuary 7th: Just an ordinary day, but I had to put something in for Febuary.
March 8th: Dad's birthday (I think)!
April 29: Mom's birthday!
May 11th?:Sarah's birthday!
June 21st:Summer. Yea/groan!
July 4th: Fourth of July!
August 24th:MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
August 28th:Aunt Shirley's birthday!
Semtember 5th:Labort day!
October 31st:Halloween. Boo!
October 23rd?:Zoe's birthday!
November 9th:Jason's birthday. BOO!
December 24th-25th:Chrismastime!
August 4th 2005 for Virgos-
You are prone to be typing something into a computer. You are also prone to be bored, anticipating a walk, and wearing a sweater.
Joke for August 4th 2005-
Two blonds walked into a building.
One said "oh, we should have seen that."
Get it? The blonds walked into the wall. (Crash!)
They didn't walk through the door.
HEY! I'M NOT HEARING LAUGTHER!!!
TRY THIS KIND. HA HA HA!!!!!
Official Joke for August 4th 2005-
Redneck Anthem
You know you're a redneck if you think the last four words of the national anthem are:
"Gentlemen, start your engines!"
Funny and not official joke for August 4th 2005-
Michael Jackson's shnoz-
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
Out of a catalog.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Vanners the Little Car and the War
Dear diary,
I am finding my life not at all happy at this stage in my developement. Yesterday, Moon, my foster gardian, took me hear to this boarding school. I learned the reason was 'Moon is in the grand army.' Ha! I bet he was just sick and tired of taking care of me.
Normally I don't mind being at the boarding house, the head car Yellow makes things very enjoyable. However, right now Yeller is taking care of us, and he is a pain in the exhaust-pipe; all he talks about is fortune telling. He talks about the 'clairvoyant vibrations,' along with crystals balls and omens. The excuse for Yellow being absent was that he 'had to help Sergent Poolama carry out orders.'
Today, Yeller is going to give a grand speech on fortune-telling. I dread that so much that I am considering running away to badside. I would be put in the dungeon if I was caught running away, but I do not care. Leaving this terrible place, leaving honor and duty behind, I shall do it if I must.
I hear Yeller coming. He doesn't know about my diary; they are forbidden here, and if they weren't they would certainly be read by the head car.
Truly,
Vanners
Vanners closed his diary and put it under his bed as Cat the 'italian' car drove in.
"Signor Yeller would like Bambini Vanners to attend his meeting."Cat said.
"I'M NOT A BLOWN UP BEAN, PEA-FACE!" Vanners yelled." IF ANYONE THE BEAN THEN IT'S YOU!"
Cat fainted.
Snarling, Vanners drove to assembly room. Yeller had just started his speech.
"As we know, everyone," Yeller yelled." The clairvoyant vibrations aide us in crystal telling. You must be very quiet to keep them in the air." he continued, speaking still louder,"I AM GOING TO PREDICT SOMETHING!!!"he started staring into a huge white marble,"CRYSTAL BALL, WHO WILL BE THE KING OF BADSIDE AFTER THE WAR? BUGGIN SHALL BE KING AND THERE WILL BE PEACE AND PROSPERITY IN ALL THE LANDS!!!!!!!"
The cars clapped.
"COME UP HERE, VANNERS."Vanners drove up to the podium and Yeller dropped the ball on his roof, crumpling the metal."CRYSTAL BALL, WILL MY CRYSTAL BALL BE WHOLE FOREVER? YES, MY CRYSTAL BALL SAYS YE-"
CRASH!!!!!!!!!!
Vanners drove as fast as he possibly could off the podium. There were gasps as he barrelled through several cars, broke the ball, and went up to 150mph. He crashed through the door, leaving a huge hole in it, and zoomed up to his room and past Cat, who had just fainted.
As soon as Vanners got into his room he locked his door and shoved his bed against that.
Dear diary,
I am seriously thinking about turning Badcar after this war. Yeller made me so mad-"
Vanners wrote on for a long time after that. He never saw Klagbag throw two sticks of dynamite at his wall, and suddenly, he was sitting on a blackened couch in the living room and bricks and wood was raining down on him.
to be continued...
I am finding my life not at all happy at this stage in my developement. Yesterday, Moon, my foster gardian, took me hear to this boarding school. I learned the reason was 'Moon is in the grand army.' Ha! I bet he was just sick and tired of taking care of me.
Normally I don't mind being at the boarding house, the head car Yellow makes things very enjoyable. However, right now Yeller is taking care of us, and he is a pain in the exhaust-pipe; all he talks about is fortune telling. He talks about the 'clairvoyant vibrations,' along with crystals balls and omens. The excuse for Yellow being absent was that he 'had to help Sergent Poolama carry out orders.'
Today, Yeller is going to give a grand speech on fortune-telling. I dread that so much that I am considering running away to badside. I would be put in the dungeon if I was caught running away, but I do not care. Leaving this terrible place, leaving honor and duty behind, I shall do it if I must.
I hear Yeller coming. He doesn't know about my diary; they are forbidden here, and if they weren't they would certainly be read by the head car.
Truly,
Vanners
Vanners closed his diary and put it under his bed as Cat the 'italian' car drove in.
"Signor Yeller would like Bambini Vanners to attend his meeting."Cat said.
"I'M NOT A BLOWN UP BEAN, PEA-FACE!" Vanners yelled." IF ANYONE THE BEAN THEN IT'S YOU!"
Cat fainted.
Snarling, Vanners drove to assembly room. Yeller had just started his speech.
"As we know, everyone," Yeller yelled." The clairvoyant vibrations aide us in crystal telling. You must be very quiet to keep them in the air." he continued, speaking still louder,"I AM GOING TO PREDICT SOMETHING!!!"he started staring into a huge white marble,"CRYSTAL BALL, WHO WILL BE THE KING OF BADSIDE AFTER THE WAR? BUGGIN SHALL BE KING AND THERE WILL BE PEACE AND PROSPERITY IN ALL THE LANDS!!!!!!!"
The cars clapped.
"COME UP HERE, VANNERS."Vanners drove up to the podium and Yeller dropped the ball on his roof, crumpling the metal."CRYSTAL BALL, WILL MY CRYSTAL BALL BE WHOLE FOREVER? YES, MY CRYSTAL BALL SAYS YE-"
CRASH!!!!!!!!!!
Vanners drove as fast as he possibly could off the podium. There were gasps as he barrelled through several cars, broke the ball, and went up to 150mph. He crashed through the door, leaving a huge hole in it, and zoomed up to his room and past Cat, who had just fainted.
As soon as Vanners got into his room he locked his door and shoved his bed against that.
Dear diary,
I am seriously thinking about turning Badcar after this war. Yeller made me so mad-"
Vanners wrote on for a long time after that. He never saw Klagbag throw two sticks of dynamite at his wall, and suddenly, he was sitting on a blackened couch in the living room and bricks and wood was raining down on him.
to be continued...
Weapon report
WEAPON REPORT BEFORE WAR
Beeper's house:
Baloonga shooters:5
Land mines:53
Machine guns:7
Pistols, snipers, and other guns:16
Bullets:10,957
Rocket lauchers, guided missle launchers, and heat seaking missle launchers:9
Ammunition for R.L., G.M.L., and H.S.M.L.:754
THIS REPORT WAS COMPILED BY BADCAR KING BEEPER BADCAR
King Beeper badcar
______________________________
SIGNED, KING BEEPER BADCAR
All other cars:
Baloonga shooters:51
Land mines:250
Machine guns:97
Pistols, snipers, and other guns:34
Bullets:15,720
Rocket launchers, guided missle launchers, and heat seaking missle launchers:4
Ammunition for R.L., G.M.L., and H.S.M.L.: 23
THIS REPORT WAS COMPILED BY BADCAR KING BEEPER BADCAR
King Beeper Badcar
______________________________
SIGNED, KING BEEPER BADCAR
Baloonga shooters:5
Land mines:53
Machine guns:7
Pistols, snipers, and other guns:16
Bullets:10,957
Rocket lauchers, guided missle launchers, and heat seaking missle launchers:9
Ammunition for R.L., G.M.L., and H.S.M.L.:754
THIS REPORT WAS COMPILED BY BADCAR KING BEEPER BADCAR
King Beeper badcar
______________________________
SIGNED, KING BEEPER BADCAR
All other cars:
Baloonga shooters:51
Land mines:250
Machine guns:97
Pistols, snipers, and other guns:34
Bullets:15,720
Rocket launchers, guided missle launchers, and heat seaking missle launchers:4
Ammunition for R.L., G.M.L., and H.S.M.L.: 23
THIS REPORT WAS COMPILED BY BADCAR KING BEEPER BADCAR
King Beeper Badcar
______________________________
SIGNED, KING BEEPER BADCAR
WEAPON REPORT AFTER WAR
King's house:
Baloonga shooters:5
Land mines:11
Machine guns:5
Pistols, Snipers and other guns:5
Bullets:1, 703
Rocket launchers, guided missle launchers, and heat seaking missle launchers:5
Ammunition for R.L., G.M.L., and H.S.M.L.:91
THIS REPORT WAS COMPILED BY BADCAR KING DUNG-BEATLE BUG
KING DUNG-BEETLE BUG
____________________
BADCAR KING DUNG-BEETLE BUG
All other cars:
Balloonga shooters:20
Land mines:7
Machine guns:52
Pistols, snipers and other guns:4
Bullets:0
Rocket launchers, guided missle launchers, and heat seaking missle launchers:1
Ammunition for R.L., G.M.L., and H.S.M.L.:0
THIS REPORT WAS COMPILED BY BADCAR KING DUNG-BEATLE BUG
KING DUNG-BEATLE BUG
______________________
BADCAR KING DUNG-BEATLE BUG
Baloonga shooters:5
Land mines:11
Machine guns:5
Pistols, Snipers and other guns:5
Bullets:1, 703
Rocket launchers, guided missle launchers, and heat seaking missle launchers:5
Ammunition for R.L., G.M.L., and H.S.M.L.:91
THIS REPORT WAS COMPILED BY BADCAR KING DUNG-BEATLE BUG
KING DUNG-BEETLE BUG
____________________
BADCAR KING DUNG-BEETLE BUG
All other cars:
Balloonga shooters:20
Land mines:7
Machine guns:52
Pistols, snipers and other guns:4
Bullets:0
Rocket launchers, guided missle launchers, and heat seaking missle launchers:1
Ammunition for R.L., G.M.L., and H.S.M.L.:0
THIS REPORT WAS COMPILED BY BADCAR KING DUNG-BEATLE BUG
KING DUNG-BEATLE BUG
______________________
BADCAR KING DUNG-BEATLE BUG
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
The Deranged Duck
Malfoy, head of the BAD society, or the Breed A Duck, rapped his beak on a stick.
"Attention!" he quacked,"As we all know, the hens have just been let out. Here are the hens each of us will breed. Sweetheart, you breed Eerie. Musket gets Tippy, Shmit gets Badora, and Smut gets Puh-uh. I get Blackie, Purple, Buffy, Lavender, Jumper, Wasp, Quacker, and Booboo."
"Hey!" shouted Musket,"That's no fair!"
"Hear hear!"
There was a great amount of shouting over fair and 'I should be the leader' and 'uh-oh, here comes King.'
Malfoy swaggered over to King Konk and, with an impudent grin, said,"Hi King. Wanna breed hens? Or maybe you could let us breed Comet."
King, who was in a VERY bad mood, basically blew up.
"Don't,"he said, whacking Malfoy with his wings with every word," EVER-LET-ME-HEAR-YOU-SAYING-THAT- EVER-AGAIN!!!! COMET-IS-MY-MATE -AND-I-WILL-BREED- HER-AND-NO- STINKING-DUCK-EVER-WILL-TOUCH-HER!!!!!!!! DO- I-MAKE-MYSELF-CLEAR?!!!!!!!"
"Yes, your holiness. You make yourself as clear as fresh poo-poo."
"AROAR!!!!"King screamed." COMET IS MY WIFE AND IT IS GOING TO STAY THAT WAY AND NO SUCKING DUCK IS GOING TO BREED HER!!!!!!!!!!!"
With that, King bonged Malfoy on the head and threw him straight at Musket.
"SQUOWK!" Musket squealed.
Some time later, Malfoy woke up. He felt awful and bruised and his head was hurting tremendously.
"Lollipop. Me need lollipop. Juice. Ketchup. Duck Meat. Me goona eat King." Malfoy yelled.
"I beg you pardon." A polite Loose-like voice said.
"Loose? Gimme water."
"Yes, this is Loose. I've got some bottled water right here."
"Gimme. How get it?"
"Oh, there was a man who dropped this bottle on the ground and I dragged it over here." Loose said truthfully.
"Fine. Gimme." Malfoy said, dumping the drink down his throat. The drink burned like fire. Malfoy had the impression of the world turning over and suddenly his brain felt fuzzy.
"Wazza madder?"Malfoy asked."Mez gidding a bat feeding aboud thiz."
Malfoy walked unsteadily towards the gate before he copllasped. "Me headz bloing ub."
For the next half an hour Malfoy sat in the gate, muttering things like 'bozzer dat Loo gooz' 'me need a nappy' 'whoz zat' and other phrases.
Suddenly, Malfoy heard a yell. The boy was coming to get a goose and his bike was inches away from flattening Malfoy.
"Helb." Malfoy croaked.
The boy stopped the bike just a second before Malfoy would have been squashed. Then he picked Malfoy up.
"Led me go. Me hasn't done nuffin. I sayd, let me go cuz me ain't appy bout thid. lllet mu-me g-go."
The boy sighed. "Alcohol. I'll have to get you a cure."
He dumped the retched duck in a tiny little pen and went back into the house.
"Hey,"Malfoy muttered," This in't nice. Led me owda here. Me'll murder ya if ya wain't."
to be continued...
"Attention!" he quacked,"As we all know, the hens have just been let out. Here are the hens each of us will breed. Sweetheart, you breed Eerie. Musket gets Tippy, Shmit gets Badora, and Smut gets Puh-uh. I get Blackie, Purple, Buffy, Lavender, Jumper, Wasp, Quacker, and Booboo."
"Hey!" shouted Musket,"That's no fair!"
"Hear hear!"
There was a great amount of shouting over fair and 'I should be the leader' and 'uh-oh, here comes King.'
Malfoy swaggered over to King Konk and, with an impudent grin, said,"Hi King. Wanna breed hens? Or maybe you could let us breed Comet."
King, who was in a VERY bad mood, basically blew up.
"Don't,"he said, whacking Malfoy with his wings with every word," EVER-LET-ME-HEAR-YOU-SAYING-THAT- EVER-AGAIN!!!! COMET-IS-MY-MATE -AND-I-WILL-BREED- HER-AND-NO- STINKING-DUCK-EVER-WILL-TOUCH-HER!!!!!!!! DO- I-MAKE-MYSELF-CLEAR?!!!!!!!"
"Yes, your holiness. You make yourself as clear as fresh poo-poo."
"AROAR!!!!"King screamed." COMET IS MY WIFE AND IT IS GOING TO STAY THAT WAY AND NO SUCKING DUCK IS GOING TO BREED HER!!!!!!!!!!!"
With that, King bonged Malfoy on the head and threw him straight at Musket.
"SQUOWK!" Musket squealed.
Some time later, Malfoy woke up. He felt awful and bruised and his head was hurting tremendously.
"Lollipop. Me need lollipop. Juice. Ketchup. Duck Meat. Me goona eat King." Malfoy yelled.
"I beg you pardon." A polite Loose-like voice said.
"Loose? Gimme water."
"Yes, this is Loose. I've got some bottled water right here."
"Gimme. How get it?"
"Oh, there was a man who dropped this bottle on the ground and I dragged it over here." Loose said truthfully.
"Fine. Gimme." Malfoy said, dumping the drink down his throat. The drink burned like fire. Malfoy had the impression of the world turning over and suddenly his brain felt fuzzy.
"Wazza madder?"Malfoy asked."Mez gidding a bat feeding aboud thiz."
Malfoy walked unsteadily towards the gate before he copllasped. "Me headz bloing ub."
For the next half an hour Malfoy sat in the gate, muttering things like 'bozzer dat Loo gooz' 'me need a nappy' 'whoz zat' and other phrases.
Suddenly, Malfoy heard a yell. The boy was coming to get a goose and his bike was inches away from flattening Malfoy.
"Helb." Malfoy croaked.
The boy stopped the bike just a second before Malfoy would have been squashed. Then he picked Malfoy up.
"Led me go. Me hasn't done nuffin. I sayd, let me go cuz me ain't appy bout thid. lllet mu-me g-go."
The boy sighed. "Alcohol. I'll have to get you a cure."
He dumped the retched duck in a tiny little pen and went back into the house.
"Hey,"Malfoy muttered," This in't nice. Led me owda here. Me'll murder ya if ya wain't."
to be continued...
Thursday, July 21, 2005
ABC BOY
MY BROTHER IS
My brother is
acrid
bigoted
crazy
dumb
evil
fainthearted
giddy
hardhearted
ignoble
jugheaded
knobbrained
lapse
murderous
neglectful
odious
parasidic
queer
rambling
stupid
taunting
ugly
vain
wanton
xylophonefaced
yappy
zany
My brother is
acrid
bigoted
crazy
dumb
evil
fainthearted
giddy
hardhearted
ignoble
jugheaded
knobbrained
lapse
murderous
neglectful
odious
parasidic
queer
rambling
stupid
taunting
ugly
vain
wanton
xylophonefaced
yappy
zany
My Brother 2
My brother is going to blow a nerve if he stays like he is. Today, I went out to chores at 5:49. I saw my brother go into the goose pen at 6:10. I went in at about 6:35. Jason went in at about 6:50.
Now Jason is mad at me because I 'snuck in and left me with half an hour of chores.' Yeah right. Jason came out as he says 'five minutes after I did.' If so, it must take an awful long time to get a goose.
Another thing is the 'I snuck in' part. I'd done what I do in chores, all my tasks, and then I asked Dad if there was anything else for me to do. Dad said he thought that was about it, I asked if I could go in, and Dad said yes.
Then I went in. Jason might not have seen me go in, but is it a crime not to go in without telling Jason first?
Now that I'm in Jason is calling me 'Miss Liar' 'filthy lying girl' 'dirty rotten lying girl' and a lot of other things.
I DON'T think I didn't do all my chores. Jason got out later than me so obviously he would be finishing chores later than me.
Dad has said it's not good for your blood pressure to get mad all the time and I believe that. At the rate Jason gets mad at he is going to explode.
Now Jason is mad at me because I 'snuck in and left me with half an hour of chores.' Yeah right. Jason came out as he says 'five minutes after I did.' If so, it must take an awful long time to get a goose.
Another thing is the 'I snuck in' part. I'd done what I do in chores, all my tasks, and then I asked Dad if there was anything else for me to do. Dad said he thought that was about it, I asked if I could go in, and Dad said yes.
Then I went in. Jason might not have seen me go in, but is it a crime not to go in without telling Jason first?
Now that I'm in Jason is calling me 'Miss Liar' 'filthy lying girl' 'dirty rotten lying girl' and a lot of other things.
I DON'T think I didn't do all my chores. Jason got out later than me so obviously he would be finishing chores later than me.
Dad has said it's not good for your blood pressure to get mad all the time and I believe that. At the rate Jason gets mad at he is going to explode.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Computer Designed
o o
l l
/l\ /l l l
/ \ / / \ / These people were very hard to make and are very hard to fix.
They are all very fragile,
They couldn't say mile.
They're very hard to fix,
They look like a mix,
Of ls and os and slashes,
They look like they've been in crashes.
They aren't male of female,
They don't have a tail.
And they don't talk and they don't think,
And they never have to drink.
They never've seen a bumblebee,
And they can't breathe or even see.
l l
/l\ /l l l
/ \ / / \ / These people were very hard to make and are very hard to fix.
They are all very fragile,
They couldn't say mile.
They're very hard to fix,
They look like a mix,
Of ls and os and slashes,
They look like they've been in crashes.
They aren't male of female,
They don't have a tail.
And they don't talk and they don't think,
And they never have to drink.
They never've seen a bumblebee,
And they can't breathe or even see.
Beeper's bad day
Beeper woke up one hot July morning, feeling pretty good. He drove out of bed, went to the kitchen, and started eating an extravegant breakfast of wood pie.
Just then, the phone rang.
"Hello." Beeper said.
"Hello, this is Apple. We have prime quality windshields, tires, exhaust pi-"
Click.
Beeper grunted and returned to his pie. He was enjoying it immensely until he bit into a bolt.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ring. RIng. Ring.
Beeper picked up the phone. "Hello." he growled.
"Hi, this is Klagbag."The car said in a Gold-like voice," I've been caught by that thug Sinder and I've been put in the badcar jail and I was wonde-"
"Number one, you sound like GOLD. Number two, Gold isn't Klagbag. Number three, there aren't phones in jails. Number four, there isn't a jail in badside. Number five, Klagbag would get himself out of jail, without screaming for help like the sissy goodcar Gold is!"
"But-"
Click.
Beeper went back to his pie. He had been sitting in his chair for approximately two seconds before the phone rang.
"HELLO!!!!"Beeper yelled into the receiver.
"Hello Beeper, this is Skeeper. I was wondering if you would like to come over to my dinner party toni-"
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID DINNER PARTIES," Beeper bellowed. " SHUT UP AND NEVER EVER CALL ME AGAIN. GOODBYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Growling about 'polite' Goodcars, Beeper returned to his chair. He had just sat down when-
Ring. Ring.
"Hello!" Beeper bellowed at the top of his voice."WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"
"Hello, this is Bop. I am invi-"
"SHUT UP AND NEVER CALL AGAIN. THIS WHOLE MORNING'S BEEN NOTHING BUT PHONE CALLS, PHONE CALLS, PHONE CALLS AND I'M SICK OF IT!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
Click.
Beeper returned to his now cold pie and started eating.
Ring. Ring.
Snarling, Beeper skidded over to his phone, grabbed it, and, after saying a huge multitude of the worse swear words into the receiver, chucked it straight into his case of medals.
After eating, Beeper went into his TV room and inserted the Goodcar Shooter disk into his game system.
Beeper decided on explosives for his weapon and the game started. Beeper drove over to the goodcars base and went inside. He picked up a missle launcher and a grenade shooter when he was on the balcony of the base and started shooting.
SHKOOZ! SHKOOZ! Beeper fired two missles and hit two cars. He was in the middle of cheering when the words 'Killed Teammates' appeared on his screen.
Beeper swore.
Half an hour later, Beeper's score was 50 kills and Skeeper's score was 125 kills.
Beeper swore and threw the TV out his wall.
At about 5 that evening Beeper came home to find a little car in his cupboard, eating up all his wood.
Beeper was in a very bad mood.
He grabbed the little car, stuffed it into a bowl full of cake batter and put the bowl in the oven.
About ten minutes later, something hit Beeper. Beeper's loaded machine gun was exploding, spraying bullets everywhere.
"OW! OW! OW!!!!" Beeper yelled.
Beeper started to run for his bedroom but suddenly realized that he couldn't because three of his tires were puntured.
Finally the bullets stopped flying. Perfect, thought Beeper. Suddenly there was a huge KABOOM!!!!!
Beeper distincly remembered overloading his oven heat and he fervently hoped that his oven hadn't exploded. He looked behind himself in horror. His oven had exploded, and, worse yet, it had started a small fire.
"HELP!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEBODY, GET OVER HERE!!!!!"Beeper screamed.
After about half an hour, when Beeper's tires had been melted, his kitchen had burnt down, and his computer, TV, and gamecars had fried to black pieces of junk, Sinder arrived.
Beeper later heard that Sinder had wondered what the bright light was, and when he got over to Beeper's house he had laughed and drove away, after telling Dung Beatle about the fire. It also turned out that Dung Beattle had started the fire in hopes of turning king. A bit later Klagbag had come over to visit Beeper and had promptly called the fire department.
Just then, the phone rang.
"Hello." Beeper said.
"Hello, this is Apple. We have prime quality windshields, tires, exhaust pi-"
Click.
Beeper grunted and returned to his pie. He was enjoying it immensely until he bit into a bolt.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ring. RIng. Ring.
Beeper picked up the phone. "Hello." he growled.
"Hi, this is Klagbag."The car said in a Gold-like voice," I've been caught by that thug Sinder and I've been put in the badcar jail and I was wonde-"
"Number one, you sound like GOLD. Number two, Gold isn't Klagbag. Number three, there aren't phones in jails. Number four, there isn't a jail in badside. Number five, Klagbag would get himself out of jail, without screaming for help like the sissy goodcar Gold is!"
"But-"
Click.
Beeper went back to his pie. He had been sitting in his chair for approximately two seconds before the phone rang.
"HELLO!!!!"Beeper yelled into the receiver.
"Hello Beeper, this is Skeeper. I was wondering if you would like to come over to my dinner party toni-"
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID DINNER PARTIES," Beeper bellowed. " SHUT UP AND NEVER EVER CALL ME AGAIN. GOODBYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Growling about 'polite' Goodcars, Beeper returned to his chair. He had just sat down when-
Ring. Ring.
"Hello!" Beeper bellowed at the top of his voice."WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"
"Hello, this is Bop. I am invi-"
"SHUT UP AND NEVER CALL AGAIN. THIS WHOLE MORNING'S BEEN NOTHING BUT PHONE CALLS, PHONE CALLS, PHONE CALLS AND I'M SICK OF IT!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
Click.
Beeper returned to his now cold pie and started eating.
Ring. Ring.
Snarling, Beeper skidded over to his phone, grabbed it, and, after saying a huge multitude of the worse swear words into the receiver, chucked it straight into his case of medals.
After eating, Beeper went into his TV room and inserted the Goodcar Shooter disk into his game system.
Beeper decided on explosives for his weapon and the game started. Beeper drove over to the goodcars base and went inside. He picked up a missle launcher and a grenade shooter when he was on the balcony of the base and started shooting.
SHKOOZ! SHKOOZ! Beeper fired two missles and hit two cars. He was in the middle of cheering when the words 'Killed Teammates' appeared on his screen.
Beeper swore.
Half an hour later, Beeper's score was 50 kills and Skeeper's score was 125 kills.
Beeper swore and threw the TV out his wall.
At about 5 that evening Beeper came home to find a little car in his cupboard, eating up all his wood.
Beeper was in a very bad mood.
He grabbed the little car, stuffed it into a bowl full of cake batter and put the bowl in the oven.
About ten minutes later, something hit Beeper. Beeper's loaded machine gun was exploding, spraying bullets everywhere.
"OW! OW! OW!!!!" Beeper yelled.
Beeper started to run for his bedroom but suddenly realized that he couldn't because three of his tires were puntured.
Finally the bullets stopped flying. Perfect, thought Beeper. Suddenly there was a huge KABOOM!!!!!
Beeper distincly remembered overloading his oven heat and he fervently hoped that his oven hadn't exploded. He looked behind himself in horror. His oven had exploded, and, worse yet, it had started a small fire.
"HELP!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEBODY, GET OVER HERE!!!!!"Beeper screamed.
After about half an hour, when Beeper's tires had been melted, his kitchen had burnt down, and his computer, TV, and gamecars had fried to black pieces of junk, Sinder arrived.
Beeper later heard that Sinder had wondered what the bright light was, and when he got over to Beeper's house he had laughed and drove away, after telling Dung Beatle about the fire. It also turned out that Dung Beattle had started the fire in hopes of turning king. A bit later Klagbag had come over to visit Beeper and had promptly called the fire department.
Epilogue
The outcome of the fire was that Sinder's house was spotted burning on a late Saturday evening. Dung Beatle was thrown in jail, after having his exhaust pipe clogged up. Klagbag earned a cart full of Skeeper's land mines from Beeper. Beeper, after getting repaired, threw all his neighbors in jail for not calling the fire department, and although they all said they were asleep, they really were laughing their heads off because they loved stealing from Klagbag.
My favorite Harry Potter Books
I AM TRYING NOT TO GIVE ANYTHING ABOUT BOOK 6 AWAY IN THIS BLOG!!!!!!!!
I like all the Harry Potter books. However I like some more than others. This is my list of favorite ones in order from most like, (for me) and least liked (for me.)
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
Likes: I WILL NOT TELL!!!!!
Dislikes: I WILL NOT TELL!!!!!
Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone
Likes: I think the beginning is good and there's some humor in it.
Dislikes: The end. (Have you noticed I don't like the ends of all the books except for #6?)
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Likes: Harry/Sirius.
Dislikes: Pettigriew getting away.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phienowx- Fenux- Phoenix
Likes: The new people.
Dislikes: Umbridge.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Likes: The part where Voldemort returns- sort of.
Dislikes: The underwater task.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Likes: Now that I think of it- I kind of like the end- serves Riddle right.
Dislikes: People getting frozen.
These things I sort of dislike- but I think the order I like them is correct.
If you don't want to hear which chapters I like most in book 6, don't read on.
My favorite chapters were chapters 23 and 26.
I HAVE TRIED NOT TO GIVE ANYTHING AWAY ABOUT BOOK 6 IN THIS BLOG. IF I DID, IT IS NOT MY FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!
I like all the Harry Potter books. However I like some more than others. This is my list of favorite ones in order from most like, (for me) and least liked (for me.)
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
Likes: I WILL NOT TELL!!!!!
Dislikes: I WILL NOT TELL!!!!!
Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone
Likes: I think the beginning is good and there's some humor in it.
Dislikes: The end. (Have you noticed I don't like the ends of all the books except for #6?)
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Likes: Harry/Sirius.
Dislikes: Pettigriew getting away.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phienowx- Fenux- Phoenix
Likes: The new people.
Dislikes: Umbridge.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Likes: The part where Voldemort returns- sort of.
Dislikes: The underwater task.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Likes: Now that I think of it- I kind of like the end- serves Riddle right.
Dislikes: People getting frozen.
These things I sort of dislike- but I think the order I like them is correct.
If you don't want to hear which chapters I like most in book 6, don't read on.
My favorite chapters were chapters 23 and 26.
I HAVE TRIED NOT TO GIVE ANYTHING AWAY ABOUT BOOK 6 IN THIS BLOG. IF I DID, IT IS NOT MY FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, July 14, 2005
New Words, Body Phrases and knock knock jokes
Shmitsophrenic-a scitsoohrenic duck.
Phrases
Snowflake nose he's silly.
I will boot this system up.
Don't leg behind.
Drink some punch.
Eye no you're here.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Reven.
Raven who?
Raven lunatic who wants to knock your door down!
Knock, knock.
Who there?
Cow go.
Cow go who?
No, cow go moo
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Police.
Police who?
Po-lice open the door!
Knock, knock.
Who's there.
IBM.
IBM who?
IBM. Who be you?
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Wire.
Wire who?
Wire you asking me that again. I just told you!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo hoo?
I'm sorry. Why are you crying?
PLEASE NOTE THAT I DID NOT CREATE ANY OF THESE JOKES. ALL BUT THE LAST ONE ARE IN JOKELOPEDIA; THE BIGGEST, BEST, SILLIEST, DUMBEST JOKE BOOK EVER BY ILANA WEITZMAN, EVA BLANK, AND ROSANNE GREEN
Phrases
Snowflake nose he's silly.
I will boot this system up.
Don't leg behind.
Drink some punch.
Eye no you're here.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Reven.
Raven who?
Raven lunatic who wants to knock your door down!
Knock, knock.
Who there?
Cow go.
Cow go who?
No, cow go moo
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Police.
Police who?
Po-lice open the door!
Knock, knock.
Who's there.
IBM.
IBM who?
IBM. Who be you?
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Wire.
Wire who?
Wire you asking me that again. I just told you!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo hoo?
I'm sorry. Why are you crying?
PLEASE NOTE THAT I DID NOT CREATE ANY OF THESE JOKES. ALL BUT THE LAST ONE ARE IN JOKELOPEDIA; THE BIGGEST, BEST, SILLIEST, DUMBEST JOKE BOOK EVER BY ILANA WEITZMAN, EVA BLANK, AND ROSANNE GREEN
Interview with DungBeetle
What is your least favorite nickname?
It depends. I have to say DingBriddle, but DungFace is pretty bad.
What is your greatest desire?
My greatest desire is to become King of Badside. My longest recorded king time was 7.5 minutes.
What do you think of Skeeper going to war with Badside?
I think that I don't really mind as long as I can sieze the throne.
What is your proudest body feature?
The ability to squirt dung is by far the greatest.
What was your most embarrasing moment?
The time when I squirted dung on Buggin instead of Beeper. Although, judging to the fact that Beeper's punishment on me would be awful, it might be a blessing that I missed.
It depends. I have to say DingBriddle, but DungFace is pretty bad.
What is your greatest desire?
My greatest desire is to become King of Badside. My longest recorded king time was 7.5 minutes.
What do you think of Skeeper going to war with Badside?
I think that I don't really mind as long as I can sieze the throne.
What is your proudest body feature?
The ability to squirt dung is by far the greatest.
What was your most embarrasing moment?
The time when I squirted dung on Buggin instead of Beeper. Although, judging to the fact that Beeper's punishment on me would be awful, it might be a blessing that I missed.
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